You're so vain...You probably think this blog is about you...

Today is one of the days that I have been dreading. I’ve thought about it, read about it and tried to prepare for it. For the last couple of days, I have started to think that my hair is coming out. I am blessed to have a head of amazingly thick hair. It’s nothing for me to have a fistful of hair after I shower. I guess the new growth just fills it all in.  Yesterday at the ball tournament, I frequented the restroom (thanks to a bazillion gallons of coffee I drank) and each time I would wash my hands and look up in the mirror, I would see some hairs on my shoulder or hanging down from my hair.  Today I showered and washed my hair and there was probably triple the amount of hair that normally comes out when I shampoo.  I dried my hair with the dryer and probably an equal amount came out then. Run fingers through hair, ten strands in your hand. You know how you shampoo and condition and then once that conditioner gets through and everything runs clear, no more hairs come out? Well this doesn’t go that way. Hairs keep coming out. I could run my fingers through my hair all day and probably not have any left by the end of the day.  It’s a weird feeling. And I could not shampoo and not blow dry and not fix my hair and keep it a little while longer, but it's still going to come out eventually.

I’m a vain person. I care about how I look. A lot. I know it’s just hair. It doesn’t have anything to do with who I am or what’s in my heart, but I am still going to miss it. I knew it was drying out and becoming brittle last week, so I asked my hairdresser if she would cut it down for me. I knew it was coming. She gave me a cute little hair cut. When my Papi (10 years old) got in the car that afternoon, he didn’t even notice. I said, “See anything different?” He said, “No.” I turned all the way around and pointed out my hair and he said, “Oh! You got a haircut.” Then he said, “I don’t pay attention to your hair, I just pay attention to your face.”

When he said that, it made me think of Peter taking his eyes off Jesus. No he’s not walking on water and no I’m not Jesus, but he is looking to me for guidance and love and direction and confidence. And none of that comes from hair, makeup, clothes, or accessories. All that little boy is looking at is my face…my love...my light—and that light isn’t coming from Maybelline (although I do think Jesus gives his total stamp of approval on a good eyeliner and mascara.)  

Chemo tomorrow. Once that is over, I will have half of the really hard ones knocked out. I'll probably clipper my hair this week. I can't keep up with the dog hair around here, let alone human hair!

Gotta kill it to heal it. #wegotthis

-lightningbug

A little Carly Simon for you Monday pleasure...