I'm not 12 and I don't play baseball.
I’m 41 and I’m a mom.
You boys all know what I went through two years ago because
you were right there with me. You may have been confused and scared just like
me.
When I waited to find out whether I had cancer, it was the
worse time of my life. I was so scared. Terrified. Riley was about to be a
senior in high school and Natalie was 13 and Papi was just 11. When you’re a
mom, your biggest worry is taking care of your kids. I knew they needed me. Can
you imagine how hard life would be without your mom? I kept putting myself in
their place and it was a terrible place for my mind to go. The constant thoughts
of leaving them behind to go through life without their mom were sometimes more
than I could handle.
The voices in my head during those times were playing out
the worst possible scenarios. I spent a lot of time hiding and crying because I
was so scared but I didn’t want everybody to know I was scared.
Life was tough during that time. That was the toughest
opponent I’ve ever been up against. And I let it intimidate me in the
beginning—maybe a little like you all did when you saw what appeared to be
half-grown men step in the diamond in Cooperstown? Sometimes it’s easy to let
the doubt and the fear take over.
What if this guy jacks one over the fence while I’m
pitching?
What if my cancer has spread?
What if this guy hits a line drive so hard that it knocks my
glove off?
What if my cancer comes back?
I don’t know if you all have those things that run through
your heads, but I sure did.
And I still do sometimes.
I wanted to tell you about the day that everything changed
for me. And who knows? Maybe it can help you also.
Back when I had found out about the big C, I spent a week or
two engulfed in fear and uncertainty about the future. I felt like I wasn’t in
control of my own thoughts.
So you know what I did?
I sat down with a marker and a stack of paper and I started
writing down things that would strengthen and empower me and I posted them all
over my house. For me, they were statements that would quiet my fears. It was
scripture and it was positive affirmations.
Do you know what an affirmation is? If any of you are Methodists
or Presbyterians, you may pull out your hymnals and recite an “Affirmation of
Faith.” That’s just a few lines that remind us what we believe in.
An affirmation is simply a statement.
A positive affirmation
is a positive statement.
If my fears were telling me that I wasn’t going to be around
to see my kids grow up, my affirmation would say things like “I am beating
cancer because I have important things to do on earth!”
See how saying that or reading it silences the other
negative things?
If your fears are telling you that you are going to strike
out, maybe you can try out a positive affirmation when you’re on deck. Maybe
you can say to yourself “I’m strong and I’m in shape and I’ve trained for
this.” Maybe you can say “I will see the ball, swing through and drive it.”
You know what else this works on?
School!
Tests. SOLs. Exams.
I took a really hard math class a while back. I’m talking
REALLY hard. It’s called Statistics and it’s awful. I used to drive to college
in my grocery-getting mom wagon and I used to cry in the parking lot before I even
went in that class. Then I usually cried in the parking lot after I came out. You
see, I needed to pass this class to get my degree and it was so hard for me! I
would practice and do my homework, but then when it was time for a quiz or a
test, I’d get so nervous! After getting super nervous and failing a couple of
tests, I decided that instead of crying or working myself up, I would get out
my notebook before the test and I would write a few sentences. And so I did.
And those sentences would remind me that I am smart and capable and prepared
for this test, but no matter whether I pass or fail, it was still going to be
ok! It was not going to be the end of the world.
Baseball is teaching you life lessons with each practice
swing, each at bat, each first inning, each last inning, and each relationship
made with teammates, opponents, coaches and umpires.
The cool thing about the mental game is what it brings to you
after you’ve overcome it. It brings confidence. Cancer sucked, but I am so much
more confident than I used to be. And
you will be too.
Baseball is serious. Life is serious.
But baseball and life are also so much fun! Don’t ever lose
sight of the reason you’re on the field and the reason you’re on planet
earth.
Have fun, play ball and enjoy this life!
Love,
Papi’s mom
