"I sat and held the (lightning bug) lantern in my hands, listening to the owls, watching it glow and change, and glow and change.
Like all of us."
~Ivy Rowe, Fair and Tender Ladies (Lee Smith)
Being a Gemini has it's up sides...yep. Well, there's the versatile and communicative, the witty and the liveliness, the curious, charming and creativeness... Ahem. Notice consistency, follow through and decisiveness didn't quite make the cut. I can 100% decide what I'm going to do...the way I feel about something because of my innermost morals and values and I can defend it to the core and then the wind will blow and I can be convinced (or just change my mind) and I totally go in the opposite direction. This probably seems so strange to non fence straddlers. I understand. I don't like this quality either, but it is who I am, and try to play defense most of the time just to counteract my impulses for change. You can imagine how this personality deficit affected me during the recent elections. Sheesh. This is NOT about the country's leaders however...nope...this is WAY MORE IMPORTANT... this is about whether to display and/or partake in any Christmas decorating before Thanksgiving. There. I said it. I have these morals that tell me I should wait to turn on Jingle Bells and start making peanut butter balls...party mix...fudge. Crap. I don't have morals concerning food. Let me try again. I have tried very hard to make it a tradition at Casa Griffith to wait until the evening of Thanksgiving or the Friday after (depending on what DaddiO is working) to put up the glorious Arbol de Navidad (that's Christmas tree for my non espanol amigos.) Some years I make it, some years I don't. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. That drives me BONKERS. Traditions are supposed to be the SAME, year after year. Hence the word tradition! Will my children grow up and say...well...sometimes we put the tree up on November 18...sometimes Thanksgiving night, one year not until December 1. What kind of horrible mother am I anyway?? Well, I'm a mom that thinks I can feel strongly about relishing one season for the amount of time that feels right and then moving to the next. And maybe that's not the same every year. When first born was in 1st grade, he developed a scary rash and inflamed knee and after rushing to UVA Hospital, a failed attempt to drain non-existent fluid from his knee in the ER, and about a dozen different opinions, the doctor of infectious disease finally identifies as Henoch-Schonlein purpura (HSP) Click here for description and visual (scary, right?) We were supposed to have Thanksgiving at Momaw & Papaw Griffy's that year, but it didn't happen that way. Sometimes life doesn't happen according our idea of tradition even though we give it our all. Sometimes we just have to play the field and adjust our traditions to what life throws our way. We decorated the tree downstairs that year with Riley on the sofa with his leg propped up. I have felt rage over the last week or two at the sight of Christmas decorations filling the stores and hearing some of my friends speak of putting trees up and Christmas shopping. While I can't defend Walmart because I think they are mostly motivated by dollar signs and not the holidays in their hearts, I will stop judging the rest of you all and say, by all means, if you have Christmas in your heart on Oct. 14 and want to cocoon yourself in the warm and glow of Christmas, then by all means, do so. What does it hurt? Furthermore, I came home from work today to an empty house and thought I'd clean a little. I turned on the music channel and landed on Holidays & Happenings and Christmas Music was playing. I started to turn it but thought...What the heck... Then I realized I hadn't had lunch and I decided to have an orange. I peeled the orange and it reminded me of Christmas Eves past at Church when I was a little girl...candlelight services and then over in the fellowship hall for oranges and candy canes and Santa would stop by. Now I want my tree up. Tradition straddler.
If I Ruled the World… Or at least a tiny corner of it…
School and work would not start until 10 am. That doesn’t mean you get to sleep in though. Early morning is an incredible time for reflection and meditation and sunrise watching and snuggles. Nobody should have to get up at run out the door at 6 am (or before!) It’s just senseless.
There would be a lot more cookie breaks. Cookies and milk. Or cookies and tea if you’re lactose intolerant like me. Oh wait. I’m not lactose intolerant…I just hate milk :)
Methodically at 2 pm each and every day, Wreckx N Effect would come across the intercom and everybody would be required to get up and shake their booties to Rumpshaker. Check baby, check baby 1-2-3-4. Get those happy endorphins stirred up.
Every single day you would be required to log in something selfless you did for another individual. Bonus points if it’s a stranger.
Work and school week would end at noon on Fridays and not resume until 10 am on Monday.
There would be none of this “we don’t keep score” bullcrap. We would keep score. And if you’re under the age of 18, you will refer to anybody over that age as sir or m’am. Example: Clean your room. “Yes m’am.”
There would be more themes. Who doesn’t love themes? Meatloaf and Movie Monday, Tijuana Trainwreck Tuesday, Wine & Waffle Wednesday, Thrilling Treasure Hunt Thursday, and Famous Amos Fridays (see #2)
Kids would still have to awkwardly learn to square dance in school. (Do they still have to do that?)
30 minute naps would be permitted. Well rested people are more productive people.
Bubble gum blowing contests on the 3rd Friday of the month.
Field trips monthly. Go. See. Feel. It’s good for the mind and the soul.
Everybody would get a crash course in home-ec. 101. Sew a button, make change, make cornbread in an iron skillet.
6 second hugs. Did you know it takes 6 seconds to get the happy hugging endorphins going? Yep. "To be most effective at optimizing the flow of the chemicals oxytocin and serotonin - which boost mood and promote bonding - hold a hug for at least six seconds." Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project
I’m convinced adversity is where we learn our most valuable lessons in life.
This storm sucked (or should I say it blew…har, har.)
We are 5 days “without” power. I say “without” because we have had a generator since Saturday. My grandparents bought us a generator after one of the snow storms knocked our power out several years ago, so we have been extremely blessed to have it. We had two fridges and freezers full of food and that would’ve been horrible to lose all of that food (I know many of you all did and I am SO very sorry for that.)
Let’s see…I guess I should give the short version of how things went down in our world Friday night. Kevin’s mom came in to visit (she couldn’t have picked a more rotten time, huh?) and we went down to the Cork & Pork Festival in Covington. Around 8:30, people started racing around to pack up. I thought they had lost it and thought they were acting irrational and prematurely since there was not a cloud in the sky at the time. A vendor with his phone in hand said a storm had passed through Lewisburg and was coming our way and was U-shaped, producing dangerous wind, yadda, yadda. I just shook my head because we have had these silly warnings so many times…snow, storms, etc. We went ahead and left and as we got to the end of Monroe Street, the lights were flickering at the Kangaroo station…then Hardees. As we came through Parrish Court, the lights we’re flickering on the church sign outside Grace Brethern Church. As we approached Edgemont/JWIS, Kevin looked in the sky and said, “Oh crap.” In the sky was...we don’t really know. It was a vertical cloud and it was moving faster than anything we’ve ever seen before. Kevin slammed the brakes on and turned around right in the middle of the road and went back the other way. We pulled over and he watched it in an effort to avoid its path, then it turned and went over Pitzer’s Ridge. He whipped the van around and hit the gas and I’m pretty sure we pulled into the front yard on two wheels. The kids were bawling. We ran to the basement. Not two minutes later, something was on fire across the street from the school and a tree had fallen across the bridge (that we had just crossed), destroying part of the side of the bridge and blocking traffic until it could be cut. We ran downstairs in the dark, scrambling for flashlights and candles, the kids still crying and worried about everything, with the dogs at the top of the list. The next door neighbors joined us in the basement as we sat in the dark. It was a scary hour or so and in that time in the dark, what’s most important in life became extremely visible.
So here I sit at the church, 5 days later. We still don’t have power at our house.
The kids went home with the grandparents where they didn’t have to “rough it.” I regret not making the first-born stay and de-tox from electronics, but time with family is good too. Maybe I'll throw the breakers in a few weeks and make him endure it for a little while :)
Sunday morning we had church at the picnic shelter. Amazing Grace sounds beautiful under there. It was humbling.
We have cooked every meal on the grill and I can’t remember when I have cooked so much. I forgot how much I loved to cook.
I am certain I could go for the rest of my life without the tv. I haven't missed it for a second.
We had our "elderly" (I use the term loosely because at 93. she gets around better than we do most of the time!) neighbor over for dinner and swimming and we talked to some other neighbors down the street whom we haven’t talked with in ages…well because we’re all just too busy, of course.
Kevin’s mom taught me how to heat water on the grill and pour it through the coffeemaker for coffee on Saturday morning. I could've kissed the woman's feet.
We went to our neighbors’ house and sat on the back deck and talked each night.
I washed clothes in the bathtub and hung on the neighbor’s clothesline. We’re installing a clothesline and I will be making the kids participate in hanging them out.
I’ve loved the sense of community. I’ve loved how the days seem to last so much longer.
I know everybody wants the conveniences of power back…a dishwasher and a washing machine and a light in the bathroom. Me too. As much as I look forward to returning to the 21st century way of life, I will grieve this simplicity when it’s gone. I’m going to make an attempt to try to make simplicity a priority in the Griffith Family Way of Life.
Thank you Lisa Graf for taking me away from my current task at hand to write seven random facts about myself...because...let's face it...anything is more appealing to me right now than studying for my impending Developmental Psych exam (TOMORROW!)
Random could be my middle name, but instead, it's Renee'.
1. Amanda Renee' Griffith. I wish I would've kept my maiden name Stover in there too when I got married. Who knew I would return to my hometown and many people would know Amanda Stover, but be unsure of Amanda Griffith. So girls, keep that maiden name in there when you get married. If it wasn't so hard to go through the Social Security Administration, I'd just amend it now :)
2. I have one tattoo to date (check back in a week and perhaps this will change.) My teenage Amanda trademark was my red cowboy boots. My tattoo is on my left shoulder blade and is a cowboy boot, a hat and a lasso. I got it when I was 17 and I've never regretted it for a single day. I thought my Dad would kill me when he discovered it, but after 17 years, he has grown to love accepted that you just can't tame a wild mustang bull.
My tat.
The pic is terrible, but you get the idea.
I told Dad last week that I am considering another tat which has a great deal of meaning to both of us and he actually liked it...see...you CAN teach an old dog new tricks ;)
3. I wish I would've never taken stupid accounting in high school and taken art. I didn't realize at the time that art had so many different layers. I just knew that I couldn't draw and I thought that kept me from the world of art. I think I would've loved sculpture and creating things and even if I completely stink, stank, stunk at it, I would've still enjoyed it.
4. I am 34 and still can't figure out what in the world I want to be when I grow up. I have wanted to be the following things: Elementary School: Veterinarian; High School: Hair Stylist/Teacher/Business Something-or-other; College: Teacher/Business Something-or-Other; Twenty Something: Hair Stylist/Teacher/Preschool Teacher/Speech Therapist; Thirty Something: Hair Stylist/High School English Teacher/Writer/Elementary Teacher/Psychologist/Counselor/Social Worker/Coyote Ugly Bartender (leave me alone...can't a 30-something mom of 3 dream???)
So I'm in college. Class by class I'm knocking it out...sometimes three at a time, sometimes two at a time and sometimes just one at a time. I'm not standing idle though and that's what matters. I am 99% 85% sure that I want to teach. I love children. I love their little minds, their innocence, their zest for life, their enthusiasm. If I can't be all of those things I just mentioned, then the next best thing is to teach a group of little sponges that can choose any of those paths or hundreds more. Hopefully I can be the reason that at least one person entered a field or did something with their life and if I can, then it will all be worth it :) Everybody asks me how much longer and I don't know. I don't know how much longer it will take me. When I have one more class left, I'll let you know :)
5. Unique is my favorite word. For the love of Buddha, BE YOURSELF! You have God-given talents and gifts! Seek them, find them and USE THEM! Sure, be inspired by others, but BE YOURSELF! Nobody wants a knock-off Coach purse. We want the real thing. We don't want a knock off you either...we want the real thing :)
6. I do not own a Coach purse because I...gasp...brace yourself...could care less about tags. I love styles from an artistic point of view, so I could truly care less whether the tag says Versace or Faded Glory. True. I do however want a pair of $600 boots. *Shakes head* Whaaa???? I like the style :)
7. If I had an ounce of focus I could rule the world. Or at least write a book. My dream is to one day write something that someone will read...well not someone...like millions of people. Ha! Someone will read this, but it would be really cool if millions did. I need to learn how to focus, but it truly goes against every fiber of my being. It's one of my biggest daily struggles. When I figure it out though, don't forget to vote for Amanda Renee' (STOVER) Griffith, Ruler of the World :)
It all started today when I walked in the living room and saw the saxophone laying on the couch. The kid was out the door and going down the road on the school bus, but the saxophone remained. I knew I would have to take the saxophone to school for the kid because I am oftentimes just as irresponsible and flighty. The problem wasn’t the saxophone per se. The problem was my wet hair, my unpolished face, my 6 year old who hadn’t had breakfast and the sink full of dirty dishes that I left last night so I could join the family for a movie. I was counting on having a good hour and a half to tie up some loose ends around the house before having to run into work this morning. I was hoping to get dinner in the crock pot for once and maybe even knock out a workout on the elliptical. I looked over and saw a nasty bowl of last night’s dried up baked beans. I thought I was going to puke. Don’t get me wrong…those baked beans were the bombdiggity last night. But the undumped baked beans were the last straw in a myriad of things that I suddenly felt I had no control over.
My first child was born in Bluefield, VA.
We lived in a trailer.
A Single-Wide Trailer
on about an acre of land
with pastures all around.
I never appreciated that little modest trailer for what it was.
It truly was a time in my life of utter simplicity and beauty...at least that’s how I see it now. I’m pretty sure at the time that I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much. To me, it was just a stepping stone until we bought a house of our own. I was looking forward--not relishing the splendor that life had to offer at that very minute. I know it wasn’t perfect then. Life is never perfect.
I was lonely back then —no family or friends nearby and my husband was working 10-hour shifts. He worked two hours away which meant baby and I spent 14 hours a day together. I’m pretty sure I had some post-partum depression, too. So amidst my beautiful, perfect recollections of the past, I know them to be less than the perfect way I am recalling them.
The amazing 20th century English author Virginia Woolf said,
"I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. ”
What a totally amazing and brilliantly true statement!
We had a covered front porch in that trailer.
I asked my grandparents if they would part with their old green wooden porch swing that had provided so many memories throughout my life. I remember being at Momaw & Papaw's one time as a little girl. It was summertime and we got a terrible thunderstorm. The power went out. I remember going out on the front porch after the danger was gone and swinging on the porch swing as it continued to rain. It's one of those memories that I hold so very close to my heart. When I close my eyes, I can almost smell the rain.
Kevin and Riley swinging at Momaw & Papaw's (Mossy, WV)
Kevin installed in on our front porch. Riley and I spent lots of mornings and lots of evenings swinging in that old green porch swing.
Riley, cousin Alex & Momaw Griffy enjoying the swing
Spring 1999
Just like Virginia Woolf said though, I didn’t realize the emotion at the time though—I guess I really couldn’t. Looking back, I can see it like it was yesterday.
It makes me smile and get teary-eyed all in the same instant. I was young…I was so very young. Everything was so new and fresh.
I can see Riley’s chubby little cheeks and those big blue eyes staring back at me as he stood on the porch and held onto the swing. Finally the days came that I would have to put the little wooden gate up at the edge of the porch so he wouldn’t tumble down the steps.
(here's the gate)
I can see his little chubby legs in his rompers.
I can see my hand holding his—
hands not stained with age spots and signs of wear and tear—
but young, beautiful hands eager to experience what the world had to offer.
I remember when we bought Riley his first little swing all of his own. It was a little red one and we tied it onto the clothesline pole in the backyard.
I pushed and pushed and pushed him on that swing. Kevin raised a garden when we lived in that trailer and I remember him working in the garden and taking breaks to talk to the man who lived behind us, Mr. Stowers.
Right in here is where Kevin had his garden and you can see The Stowers house in the distance, as well as the white fence posts where Kevin
and Mr. Stowers would chat.
Mr. & Mrs. Stowers didn’t have any children, but they treated us like their own when we lived there. Mrs. Stowers came to visit me often and brought us apples from her trees and potatoes from her garden. She invited us to her church and we began attending and made many friends and many memories.
We moved from that trailer the following year. We bought a little house in a sweet little neighborhood in June of 2000. Mr. Stowers passed away not too long after we moved out of the trailer.
My dad and my step mom and my sister-in-law came down before we moved in and we painted almost every room of the house. That was the first time I had ever painted in my life. I was terrible. So bad. They were good though, so the walls looked fantastic! It was fun rehabbing the house, but I didn’t really appreciate our modest 1000 square foot house for the little gem it was until after we left. I was always trying to change it…make it bigger…make it better.
So many memories…
I had a Halloween party the fall that we moved into our new house. I didn’t realize when I invited our new neighbors over for a silly Halloween party that they would come to be some of our best friends. I didn’t know that it would hurt so much leaving a town that I didn’t grow up in, but I had come to call “home.”
We moved from Bluefield in March of 2003--nine years ago.
I’m different now.
Life doesn't feel so simple anymore. I have three kids, husband with crazy shift-working hours. I work. I go to school. I organize things and I head things up. Sometimes I stand back and ask myself who is this woman?? And then sometimes I look in the mirror, expecting to find the 18 year old that I feel like I should be, and I wonder who the heck is looking back at me.
Sometimes I think to myself...who let me do this??? Who let me get married and then gave me the responsibility of being in charge of three other human beings??? Sometimes it honestly blows my mind.
I miss that simple girl—that young rookie with absolutely nothing on her life resume. I miss the way her eyes glowed with energy and optimism.
Parts of that girl will always be with me, but I have a lot more chalked up on that life resume now. My days do not go by at turtle speed anymore, but rather, at the speed of light.
My days aren’t spent picking dandelions or admiring hundreds of different blades of grass. The simplicity of those first years of marriage and motherhood are long behind me and in their place are practices, games, matches, meetings, services, parties, rallies, fund raisers, projects, homework, orthodontics, video gaming and relationship complexities.
The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be." ~Marcel Pagnol
Me soaking up newborn lovin'
Fall of 1998
It’s a different world. It’s a fast-paced, complex world.
With three children come a lot of duties and a lot of different schedules.
But a lot of laughs and fun too!
I love my life, despite its pace and it’s difficulties, and if Virginia Woolf is correct, (and I’m willing to bet she is), in 15 years, I will look back on 2012 and remember my “glory days”—when I had so much energy and life was so simple :)
Cheers to the present and the hope that we will try to relish (at least a little) before it’s the past.
"We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. "~Art Buchwald
People, people, people…say it with me…”Drop off line.”Does it say “Park and walk my kid in the
school line?”NOOO.If you need to walk your kid in the school,
then you need to pull into a PARKING SPOT and park your car and walk your kid
in the school.When I pull up to the
school and there are car(s) sitting in front of the door with nobody in them…well
it makes me think things that are not so nice.It gives me rage and it just really starts my day in a way that I don’t
like.Don’t do that to me people.I am a positive person, but it DRIVES ME
NUTS!!!I don’t need to walk my kids in
the school.I just drop them off and
when they go through those doors, I leave.That’s what the drop-off line is for.
As most of you know, Natalie fell down the basement steps
and has an injured ankle (growth plate.)
She’s on crutches and has a splint for the time being. It sucks when stuff like that happens, but I
think there is always a silver lining, even in the midst of sucky stuff. Sometimes we just have to adjust our focus. We have received so many get well wishes from
friends and family and it means so much to us.
It’s so humbling to have people in your corner and have people rally
around you when you’re down. I think
that’s such an important part of life and it warms my heart so very much.
Declaration of Self:
I am not going to care who is looking. I’m just going to do it.
I have always been an incredibly self-conscious person. I have always worried what others were saying
about me or thinking about me. I'm 34 years old and I’m just
over it. I’m going to sing and I’m going
to dance and I’m going to play and I’m going to enjoy life—and if you think I
look funny doing it, well I’m ok with that.
I’m going to laugh too :) We’ll laugh together.
Webster's defines pessimism as an inclination to emphasize adverse aspects, conditions, and possibilities or to expect the worst possible outcome.
Don't do that people.
With that said, the truth of the matter is that bad trumps good in our minds.
To create more good, don't attempt to create more good...attempt to remove one negative from your path.
Happiness
Journal Tidbit of Gratitude: Dropping my kids off at school
I love dropping my kids off at school. I have to make two trips because school starts at different times. Most of the time I am in my pajamas. I know, I know. That's bad. Overlook that for a moment though. When I dropped my 4th grade daughter off today, I rolled down the window and yelled "I love you honey!" numerous times. I would never do this if there were people around for obvious reasons. (I don't want people filing papers to commit the crazy woman in the fleece jammies in front of the school.) She doesn't turn around when I start yelling, but I know she is giggling as she walks into school. We may have fought over whether that shirt is acceptable or whether the jeans she wanted to wear are still in the washing machine, but when she steps out to walk into school to begin her day, I know she is giggling.
When I drop my 1st grade son off, he gets out and he blows kisses to me. I relish this every.single.morning. One day he's going to stop doing that and I'm going to miss it so very much. xoxo (The little moments truly ARE the big moments)
Declaration
of Self:
I am determined. "There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul."~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
WHY???? Who was the first store to decide to rip people off by only making sales available to those who carry the stupid MVP/Plus/ExtraCare/etc. cards??? Who has a wallet or a keychain big enough to carry that crap? It’s not only just an exclusion of sales to non-card-carrying people, now it’s a way to bombard your inbox with spam from every store you’ve ever shopped at!!! It ticks me off. Put what you have on sale on sale and make it available to everybody whether they have your stupid piece of plastic with a barcode or not! And if I’m interested in your updates from your store, I will visit your website and check them out. Mkay?
Happiness Journal Tidbit of Gratitude: My husband’s Cleaning Day
My husband and I have been butting heads for 3 straight days, but I am thankful for the way he has busted his butt and totally cleaned the house today. He is way less ADHD than me, and doesn’t get distracted with shiny things or boxes of junk like I do. All the laundry is done and the basement looking better than it has in ages. While he worked his butt off cleaning, I have been able to get a few “me” things done (working out and dying my hair the exact same color that it was.)
Declaration of Self:
I am getting stronger (physically) every day and I like it.
