Meet Brownie...

Meet Brownie.

He came into my life about 35 years ago. He has been through just about everything imaginable with me. Check out his eyebrows and his nose and his eyes and the wear and tear around his old mouth. He is showing his age. My Momaw sewed his eyebrows and his nose back on more than once.

I was downstairs in Leggett on Main Street with my mom when I was only about four years old. I actually remember this. I can almost see how the store was set up. Isn’t it funny what we remember? This little brown dog was sitting on top of a rack of children’s clothing. I fell in love with him. I can’t remember if my mom bought him for me or if we ended up going back after him on a subsequent trip, but Brownie came home with me. I wanted a real puppy from the time I can remember but I got Brownie until I was old enough for a real puppy.

Brownie was my buddy. I am an only child, so loneliness was something I struggled with. I had lots of neighborhood friends to play with and was socialized well, but it’s still not the same as having a sibling in the house. Brownie was my playmate when I was young and as the years progressed, Brownie developed a different persona.

My dad and I have always been really close. We may have a lot of differences, but I would say our hearts are the same. I was a very shy child—an introvert. I bottled a lot of things up and it has always been like pulling teeth to get things out of me. I would say I still have many of the same attributes. I have turned to writing for as long as I can remember because that’s the easiest way for me to get my feelings and thoughts to make sense.

My mom and dad fought a lot when I was growing up. I’m not writing tonight to blast my parents. It’s just a reality. They’re divorced now and should’ve done it way before they did, but life is tough and you do the best you can and when you know better, you do better. My mom and dad fighting was just one of the many childhood stressors—we all had stressors of some sort. When I would get all tucked in for bed, my dad would come in and sit on the edge of the bed and say prayers and he would make Brownie “talk.” And he used his voice but made it a super high pitched voiced and Brownie would talk to me about things that might be bothering me. Brownie has talked to me about my parents, broken hearts, girl drama, and a million other things that I can't even remember. What I remember is that I could talk to Brownie about things and open up when I couldn’t talk to anyone else. It was genius parenting and I have no idea where my dad learned that or if it was a complete fluke. Regardless, it worked.

Papi and I have been spending a lot of time together this week. He is really trying to take care of his mom. Tonight he made me popcorn and apple juice—my favorite lately. He has become really protective of me. Tonight he went to his room and got Brownie. (I passed Brownie down to him a few years ago.) Brownie did a lot of whispering in my ear tonight. He told me to tell Papi that he is doing a wonderful job of caring for his mom. He told me to tell Papi that he doesn’t have to worry about mom because she is going to be just fine.

And just like that…Brownie…a little stuffed dog is once again bringing love and comfort. I have no idea what my mom paid for that little brown down in Leggett but I assure you that it was worth every penny.

-lightningbug

You Are Not Your Accomplishments

"If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow."

-Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Late Author of On Death and Dying

Several things this week have had me thinking of “unconditional love”—specifically regarding our children. This week I heard someone refer to their child in terms of their accomplishments rather than who they are. Isn’t that just one of the areas where this whole parenting thing gets hairy?

I read an article this week http://www.faithit.com/5-things-your-kids-will-remember-about-you/ about what our kids would remember about us when they are grown. When you think back to your own childhood, you will probably agree these things are true. What an enormous task we have as parents to not screw up our kids! When I think about how not to screw them up, I always go back to that four letter word…L-O-V-E. 

When I picked my youngest son up from school yesterday, he was a nervous wreck. After delving deeper, I quickly learned that he “got an 83 on his math test.” That normally wouldn’t have caused such alarm, but his teacher informed the students that the test grade would probably pull their six weeks' grade down a letter grade. He was absolutely frantic because he couldn’t remember if his mid-six weeks' grade was an A or a B. We chatted. I asked him if he was struggling in that area. I asked if he was not understanding something. I asked if I could help him with something. He told me that he had made a silly mistake and mixed up the addition and subtraction and that is what caused the lower grade. I told him to stop worrying about it. I told him that we all make mistakes and it would be just fine. He continued to pace the floor looking for his mid-six weeks' report. I went downstairs to fold a load of laundry and within minutes, he raced down excitedly to tell me that he remembered that the only B he had on his mid-six weeks' report was social studies and it was only a point away from an A. He said he remember talking to Dad about how he would pull that up. He was so relieved! He was relieved because he was terrified of making a C on his report card and being “kicked out” of gifted and talented (his words.) Ah!

The same day, my oldest child, who is taking college classes (as a junior in high school) vocalized his frustrations with his Statistics class. As someone who took this same class a few years back (and BARELY passed…and I mean "69.5 rounded up to a 70" barely passed), I understand how difficult the course is. He is planning to get a tutor to try to help him make more sense of the course. If he doesn’t maintain his grades, he won’t be able to continue to take these college courses.

Now. I’m not a participation trophy kind of mom. I’m a work your butt off and earn it kind of mom. Make no bones about that. People who can handle things and maintain excellence are the people who should get the jobs and get the bonuses and get the accolades. I am totally down with that.

I have three children who do pretty great with academics and athletics. I’m proud of them for those things. I truly am. When they work hard for something and achieve it, that makes me proud.

The thing that I want them to grow up knowing, however, is that THOSE THINGS DO NOT DEFINE THEM. Yes I will push them to LEARN THINGS (notice I said learn things, not “get good grades”—they aren’t the same thing.) I will push them to try their hardest and give their all at whatever sport or activity they engage in.  You don’t know what you can achieve unless you push yourself and put in the time and effort!

At the end of the day, however, if you are an All-American or if you rode the pine all year...if you go to an Ivy League school or you go to the local Community College…as long as you know you have done your best…that is all that matters! 

You are NOT defined by your achievements to those who truly love you!

You are YOU! And the most awesome parts of you are not the parts that you list on a resume or a college application. The most awesome parts of you are the things that not everybody gets to see everyday—like the times you used to take a jacket for the kid at school who didn’t have one, or the times you stood up for the kid who was getting bullied, or the time you got to know the quiet kid who had a rough home life.

And that will always be more important to me than any test score.

-lightning Bug