Smile Because It Happened...

• Don't Cry Because It's Over...Smile Because It Happened.-Dr. Seuss
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• Natalie came home a couple of months ago and told me there was a new girl in school from Texas and all the boys were crazy about her and she just KNEW it was because boys just liked the new girls!
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  A few days passed and one day Natalie said, "Is it ok if Gracie spends the night?" I said, "Sure! Gracie C?" She said, "No, Gracie G, the new girl." I said, "I thought you didn't like her because all the boys were ga-ga over her?" She said, "I can't help it mom. I just like her."
  
  
  And so it began.
  
  
  The next day I had to meet her mom. I met her in the bus loop of the school and out jumped this beautiful, petite, blonde ball of energy to shake my hand and introduce herself. I sent her an email that next day just kind of introducing myself and trying to welcome her to the area. She seemed nice enough and if I moved to a new place where I didn't know a soul, I would hope someone would make friends with me. It was the neighborly thing to do, after all, right?
  
  
  Then we started having lunch every Wednesday. And we had lots of laughs and talked about serious stuff and silly stuff. I stalked her Pinterest and realized we had so many similar interests and taste (well minus exercise, in spite of her begging and pleading!) 
  
  
  Just like Natalie and Gracie, I liked Brandy, too...and I just couldn’t help it.  
  
  
  We made a date to go to the Flea Market together and while we didn't find much of anything, we made lots of memories. We went shopping in downtown Lewisburg in some of the shops that I had never been in--and probably never would've because they just seemed too hoity toity. Brandy showed me how to confidently waltz on in the hoity toity shops just like anybody else. She had to live through my lack of parallel parking that day. I have no idea how I didn't get towed because I had to have been ten feet from the curb. 
  
  
  She was so proud of me when I sent her a pic the next day of my tires close to the curb with a "nailed it" slapped on it! Ha!
  
  
  We had more lunches and the girls spent  all their free time together. Brandy texted one morning and asked if I wanted to go to Roanoke. Honestly I didn't. I had stuff to do but something kept telling me to just go and have fun and make memories. So I did. And I'm so glad I did.  And we had a blast. We shopped and we did silly things and we told stories and we listened and we ate (I ate a lot.) And I was reminded that spending time with people was way more important than getting the floors mopped.
  
  
  We had WVU tickets to the Texas game. We couldn't go and we asked the Texas natives if they wanted to go and take the girls. They got up early and headed up to Morgantown and had a great time and memories were made.
  
  
  Brandy and I just didn't have to try very hard. We just effortlessly clicked from the beginning and she has become one of my closest friends in such a short time. I have been looking forward to parties and milestones and fun along our way and while I was riding home from a basketball game week before last, Natalie said, "Gracie's moving back to Texas."
  
  
  "WHAT?"
  
  
  "Yeah her dad's job is taking them back to Texas."
  
  
  I started immediately texting Brandy... "Omg are y'all moving back?"
  
  
  "Probably but nothing is set in stone. We wanted to be sure before we said anything.”
  
  
  And then I got kind of frantic and I was mad at myself because if I would’ve known they were going to be leaving so soon, I wouldn’t have let myself get that close. And then it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried off and on for three solid days. Natalie and I had a couple of nights where she was crying in one bed and I was crying in the bed next door. And then I'd cry more because not only was I sad that I was losing my friend, but my daughter was losing her best friend. And that is hard at any age but that is SO HARD when you are 13. And watching your child hurt is a whole different kind of hurt. 
  And here’s another lesson--always do things fully and with your whole heart—even if you might shed tears at the end—it’s always worth it.
  
  
  It breaks my heart that we have to say goodbye...and I know that it’s 2015 and we can stay in touch and text and Facetime and even visit but we all know it's never going to be the same. And that's sad and Natalie and I are a little broken-hearted.
  
  
  Gracie stayed with us last weekend and she made a special ornament for our Christmas tree and we sent her family an ornament with pieces of the Virginian Review newspaper decoupaged on it so she'd have a piece of Alleghany County with her always.
  
  
  And while we have our special ornaments, we know that a piece of Alleghany County will always be with them because they will carry it in their hearts and we will have a Texas size hunk forever etched in ours.
  
  
  And I really am happy that Brandy & Jason & Gracie get to go back home to their family & friends. I just wish Texas wasn't so far away.
  
  
  So today, on Thanksgiving, I am thankful for destiny...for chance meetings...divine intervention...call it what you want. I am thankful for the way the universe conspires to bring people into our lives, sometimes forever, and sometimes only for a short time, to leave huge prints on our hearts.
  
  
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You Are Not Your Accomplishments

"If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow."

-Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Late Author of On Death and Dying

Several things this week have had me thinking of “unconditional love”—specifically regarding our children. This week I heard someone refer to their child in terms of their accomplishments rather than who they are. Isn’t that just one of the areas where this whole parenting thing gets hairy?

I read an article this week http://www.faithit.com/5-things-your-kids-will-remember-about-you/ about what our kids would remember about us when they are grown. When you think back to your own childhood, you will probably agree these things are true. What an enormous task we have as parents to not screw up our kids! When I think about how not to screw them up, I always go back to that four letter word…L-O-V-E. 

When I picked my youngest son up from school yesterday, he was a nervous wreck. After delving deeper, I quickly learned that he “got an 83 on his math test.” That normally wouldn’t have caused such alarm, but his teacher informed the students that the test grade would probably pull their six weeks' grade down a letter grade. He was absolutely frantic because he couldn’t remember if his mid-six weeks' grade was an A or a B. We chatted. I asked him if he was struggling in that area. I asked if he was not understanding something. I asked if I could help him with something. He told me that he had made a silly mistake and mixed up the addition and subtraction and that is what caused the lower grade. I told him to stop worrying about it. I told him that we all make mistakes and it would be just fine. He continued to pace the floor looking for his mid-six weeks' report. I went downstairs to fold a load of laundry and within minutes, he raced down excitedly to tell me that he remembered that the only B he had on his mid-six weeks' report was social studies and it was only a point away from an A. He said he remember talking to Dad about how he would pull that up. He was so relieved! He was relieved because he was terrified of making a C on his report card and being “kicked out” of gifted and talented (his words.) Ah!

The same day, my oldest child, who is taking college classes (as a junior in high school) vocalized his frustrations with his Statistics class. As someone who took this same class a few years back (and BARELY passed…and I mean "69.5 rounded up to a 70" barely passed), I understand how difficult the course is. He is planning to get a tutor to try to help him make more sense of the course. If he doesn’t maintain his grades, he won’t be able to continue to take these college courses.

Now. I’m not a participation trophy kind of mom. I’m a work your butt off and earn it kind of mom. Make no bones about that. People who can handle things and maintain excellence are the people who should get the jobs and get the bonuses and get the accolades. I am totally down with that.

I have three children who do pretty great with academics and athletics. I’m proud of them for those things. I truly am. When they work hard for something and achieve it, that makes me proud.

The thing that I want them to grow up knowing, however, is that THOSE THINGS DO NOT DEFINE THEM. Yes I will push them to LEARN THINGS (notice I said learn things, not “get good grades”—they aren’t the same thing.) I will push them to try their hardest and give their all at whatever sport or activity they engage in.  You don’t know what you can achieve unless you push yourself and put in the time and effort!

At the end of the day, however, if you are an All-American or if you rode the pine all year...if you go to an Ivy League school or you go to the local Community College…as long as you know you have done your best…that is all that matters! 

You are NOT defined by your achievements to those who truly love you!

You are YOU! And the most awesome parts of you are not the parts that you list on a resume or a college application. The most awesome parts of you are the things that not everybody gets to see everyday—like the times you used to take a jacket for the kid at school who didn’t have one, or the times you stood up for the kid who was getting bullied, or the time you got to know the quiet kid who had a rough home life.

And that will always be more important to me than any test score.

-lightning Bug