Stuff I've Learned this Weekend

Stuff I’ve learned this weekend:

1.  Do not make yourself a big bowl of popcorn and walk downstairs and come back and reach in the bowl to get popcorn because there could be a big ball of fuzz in your mouth that nobody seems to know anything about.

And let me go ahead and throw in a plug for my favorite microwavable popcorn, Popz.  You can get this stuff at Walmart for a buck.  And it's super yummy.  Minus the fuzz.

2.  Marketing execs cannot fool my daughter. 

“So I see they’re trying to bring the ole lava lamps back again, eh?” 

Let the lava lamps go.  Just let them go.

3. Those cute pics of fireplace mantels in the magazines...that is as much reality as 50 Shades of Grey.  

Glass containers filled with candy corn?  

That was a super cute decoration for like 12 hours.  

Then everybody's tummy was hurting.

The mantel is seriously driving me apeshit batty.  How can my little pumpkins compete against that 50 some inch blazing black box above?  I can't put anything with any height whatsoever on there.  

Hello world, this is my mantel.  No, I don't have a collection of miniatures, I just have no space for anything over 5 inches tall.  

Grr.  I don't know how I ever agreed to allow a tv upstairs anyway.  I must've really had a weak moment that day.  There must've been a House Hunters marathon on or something.

4. If it says it will take 15 minutes, it probably means an hour.  This goes for ready-to-assemble bookcases, hashbrown casserole and making a burlap wreath.  I encountered this phenomenon with all of the aforementioned things this weekend.  I was ---"this"--- close to throwing the whole stupid bookcase out in the front yard in a fit of rage after I put the darn thing together wrong twice and had to try to redo it without tearing the cheapo crap0 all to pieces-o.  

I need words people.  Stop already with the diagrams.  I need the instructions in words. That would be helpful.

5.  Don't jump (or cartwheel, high five, or hit the liquor cabinet) to any conclusions that your laundry is finished until everyone has cleaned their rooms because chances are you will have 14 more loads after they get their clothes up off the floor.  Just stay in the basement my sistas.  It ain't over til the fat lady sings.  And until the squatters clean their pig sties.

6. Hands to the Face is my favorite football penalty.  What's yours?  

I sing it to "Pants on the Ground."  Y'all remember that American Idol awesomeness?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMwhl4IrPNc

"Hands to the Face, Hands to the Face.  

Lookin' like a fool with your hands to the face."

7.  I accidentally hit the arrow on my iPhone today and VOILA!  ALL CAPS!  I thought the iPhone just didn't have all caps.  I seriously thought that.  So if you also thought that, you just tap the shift arrow twice quickly and you will get all caps.  I've only had this phone for over a year now.  Sigh.

8.  My children continue to drive me bonkers one minute and make me realize why being their mom is the coolest job in the world in the next.  

My oldest son runs cross country.  His team won first place in their meet this weekend.  I was watching a Facebook video the coach posted and I heard someone say in the most intentional backwoods hillbilly voice, "This one's goin' in the trophy case."  I watched it a second time to be sure.

Ah.  Proud mama moment.  He may not be the fastest runner, but by george, he makes me proud.

~Lightningbug