Confessions of a Scatter-brained mom of 3...
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…
It has been…oh good grief…I can’t even keep track of whether I showered or not on a daily basis…like I could possibly remember how many days it’s been since my last confession.
1. I’ve been driving what I refer to as “the short bus” this week. Actually it’s just my Town & Country, but when I fill it with kids to drop off at Preschool, it suddenly becomes bus-like to me. On Wednesday at my last pick-up of the morning, I buckled all children in their carseats and shut the sliding side door of the van...right on my thumb. I jumped and I cursed and I screamed. I got in the van and the pain intensified and I was shaking my thumb and saying my ouchies and then I asked the three 4 year olds to PLEASE give me some pity because that would make me feel better. You know what they did? Wyatt offered to drive the van and then Madelyn struck up a conversation with him about how he was too young to drive. I had to nip that small talk in the bud and tell them that they needed to focus on ME and asking me if I was ok. (They never did) I hope I didn’t say any words that they will later repeat when they mash their little appendages.
2. Wyatt is now on letter Q in preschool. For those of you who do not know this, Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet. So to sum this up, the Q worksheets are the 17th homework assignment that I have left on the refrigerator instead of sending in Wyatt’s backpack. Grrr…my best friend has informed me that perhaps the addition of sticky notes in my life would be a helpful addition.
3. I made chicken parmesan this week. Finally…something that doesn’t include the word “tot,” “minced,” or “processed.” I was doing great. Around 7:30 I discovered the oven was set at 350, but the Bake knob had been turned to OFF. You have to freaking be kidding me!!! We FINALLY had dinner at 8:30 that night, then straight to bed.
4. I ate an entire bag of Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies. I don’t know how I did it. But I just couldn’t stop. In my defense…I had a very small lunch that day.
4. I have dyed my hair 4 times in 24 hours. I have spent enough money on Over The Counter hair dye that I could’ve gone to a Swedish Spa and had my hair colored and been fed Mint Milanos by a Sexy Swedish Cookie Baker.
You know how convicted felons cannot buy guns? Well people who have had to do color correction on their hair in the last 6 months should be placed on hair color probation and then have to be placed on some kind of wait list before being allowed to buy hair color from the drug store.
5. I completely forgot to take snacks to preschool in November. I just dropped Wyatt off snackless. That was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. This oversight occurred to me on Sunday night AFTER Thanksgiving. I was mortified. I felt like the biggest loser-mom on the planet. Poor Wyatt…if he would’ve been born first, he would’ve had a much better shot at things…like a clean face for instance. Ok, well I swore I would never do that again. Wyatt had snacks last Friday. We had a snow day…funny joke, God. I bet it would’ve been 70 and sunny if I would’ve forgot those snacks again. Anyway, pretzels and sugar wafers are in the bag for next month if I don’t go off and forget them on top of the fridge with the homework.
6. I sent Natalie to school in brand new sneakers the other day. She outgrows things faster than lightning these days. She needed a new pair of sneakers…so we got her a new pair of sneakers. I put the new shoes on her and tied them and sent her on her way. When she stepped off the bus and through the door at 4 pm, she humiliatingly informed us that she was wearing 2 different shoes. Granted, this was a screw-up on the part of Shoe Show, but I tied the darn things that morning…seriously did not notice, though.
8. I recently cleaned the interior of my van. My dad told me (direct quote)…”I don’t think I’d clean it now…wait a couple more days and that way you can use a shovel.” You know those pockets behind the seats…great for stuffing coloring books or magazines in? Yeah, well one of the kids stuffed a McDonald’s cup in there apparently. It had a drink in it. I started pulling things out and seriously found a pile of napkins or something that I couldn’t identify due to the MILDEW that was growing on it!!!! Yeah, that was a lovely smell. Can’t imagine why I’ve been sicker than the average bear here lately (rolls eyes) Finally got rid of the smell and then the dog puked on the seat today. Go figure.
More confessions next week…unless I get perfect between now and then.
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…
It has been…oh good grief…I can’t even keep track of whether I showered or not on a daily basis…like I could possibly remember how many days it’s been since my last confession.
1. I’ve been driving what I refer to as “the short bus” this week. Actually it’s just my Town & Country, but when I fill it with kids to drop off at Preschool, it suddenly becomes bus-like to me. On Wednesday at my last pick-up of the morning, I buckled all children in their carseats and shut the sliding side door of the van...right on my thumb. I jumped and I cursed and I screamed. I got in the van and the pain intensified and I was shaking my thumb and saying my ouchies and then I asked the three 4 year olds to PLEASE give me some pity because that would make me feel better. You know what they did? Wyatt offered to drive the van and then Madelyn struck up a conversation with him about how he was too young to drive. I had to nip that small talk in the bud and tell them that they needed to focus on ME and asking me if I was ok. (They never did) I hope I didn’t say any words that they will later repeat when they mash their little appendages.
2. Wyatt is now on letter Q in preschool. For those of you who do not know this, Q is the 17th letter of the alphabet. So to sum this up, the Q worksheets are the 17th homework assignment that I have left on the refrigerator instead of sending in Wyatt’s backpack. Grrr…my best friend has informed me that perhaps the addition of sticky notes in my life would be a helpful addition.
3. I made chicken parmesan this week. Finally…something that doesn’t include the word “tot,” “minced,” or “processed.” I was doing great. Around 7:30 I discovered the oven was set at 350, but the Bake knob had been turned to OFF. You have to freaking be kidding me!!! We FINALLY had dinner at 8:30 that night, then straight to bed.
4. I ate an entire bag of Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies. I don’t know how I did it. But I just couldn’t stop. In my defense…I had a very small lunch that day.
4. I have dyed my hair 4 times in 24 hours. I have spent enough money on Over The Counter hair dye that I could’ve gone to a Swedish Spa and had my hair colored and been fed Mint Milanos by a Sexy Swedish Cookie Baker.
You know how convicted felons cannot buy guns? Well people who have had to do color correction on their hair in the last 6 months should be placed on hair color probation and then have to be placed on some kind of wait list before being allowed to buy hair color from the drug store.
5. I completely forgot to take snacks to preschool in November. I just dropped Wyatt off snackless. That was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. This oversight occurred to me on Sunday night AFTER Thanksgiving. I was mortified. I felt like the biggest loser-mom on the planet. Poor Wyatt…if he would’ve been born first, he would’ve had a much better shot at things…like a clean face for instance. Ok, well I swore I would never do that again. Wyatt had snacks last Friday. We had a snow day…funny joke, God. I bet it would’ve been 70 and sunny if I would’ve forgot those snacks again. Anyway, pretzels and sugar wafers are in the bag for next month if I don’t go off and forget them on top of the fridge with the homework.
6. I sent Natalie to school in brand new sneakers the other day. She outgrows things faster than lightning these days. She needed a new pair of sneakers…so we got her a new pair of sneakers. I put the new shoes on her and tied them and sent her on her way. When she stepped off the bus and through the door at 4 pm, she humiliatingly informed us that she was wearing 2 different shoes. Granted, this was a screw-up on the part of Shoe Show, but I tied the darn things that morning…seriously did not notice, though.
8. I recently cleaned the interior of my van. My dad told me (direct quote)…”I don’t think I’d clean it now…wait a couple more days and that way you can use a shovel.” You know those pockets behind the seats…great for stuffing coloring books or magazines in? Yeah, well one of the kids stuffed a McDonald’s cup in there apparently. It had a drink in it. I started pulling things out and seriously found a pile of napkins or something that I couldn’t identify due to the MILDEW that was growing on it!!!! Yeah, that was a lovely smell. Can’t imagine why I’ve been sicker than the average bear here lately (rolls eyes) Finally got rid of the smell and then the dog puked on the seat today. Go figure.
More confessions next week…unless I get perfect between now and then.
Very funny. Wonderfully written. Very cool.
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