Post Marley & Me Reflections...

Post Marley & Me Reflections…

Saturday night the kids went on sleepovers and I finally got a chance to stake my claim to the television. I rented Marley & Me. If you haven’t read the book or watched the movie…stop reading right here and go do that and then get back to my blog…it’ll be in my notes.

I had heard how this movie was going to make me cry. That’s a given for pretty much any movie for me though, so I was ready for that…

What I wasn’t ready for was an incredible story that I felt like I could’ve written myself. I can’t think of a movie where there were so many things that I could relate to…so many things that seemed to have been pulled right out of one of my journals. Of course the story wouldn't have been the same without Marley, but it was so much more than a movie about a dog.

I didn’t have a list going into my marriage. I’m not a big planner. And I’ve thought a lot about how life would’ve turned out if I would’ve had a plan…a 3 year plan…a 5 year plan…a 10 year plan. Kevin and I moved in together on Halloween of 1996. When we moved in together, I was taking about 15 credit hours at Concord and 12 at National Business College. I was in transition of transferring over to National Business College because I wasn’t sure that teaching was the route I wanted to take. Kevin worked all day and I went to school day and night and we met up for dinner and then he left for welding school at night.

He finished up his welding training in May of 1997 and I finished up at National in the fall of 97 right after we got married in August. I went through the May graduation ceremony at National all decked out in my cap and gown with my 4.0 average and my big ole belly…I was 6 months pregnant.

I had a short stint working in Bluefield at Willis Chiropractic--I was part-time and working mostly Saturday mornings and all day Saturday Health Fairs. After I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that I could not imagine a life of me working and somebody else with baby, so I quit my job and put every ounce of my being into preparing to be a Mom. Of course I would learn that within a year, the full-time Office Administrator would accept a job elsewhere and I could’ve worked myself into a great job. Ha. Wasn’t important to me then though.

October 4, 2:30 a.m. brought 9 lb., 4 .5 ounce Riley Parker Griffith into the world. I remember feeling exhausted and clueless and just a baby myself at a mere 21 years old. I brought this bundle home and spent every waking (and sleeping!) moment with him. We ate together, we slept together, we watched Barney together, we swung on the porch swing together, we went to the park together, we shopped at the mall together, we read and sang together. I loved being a Mom.

In 1999, we bought a house. It was a modest three bedroom house in a neighborhood in Bluefield that I loved. Kevin had landed a job in a coal prep plant that put us in a pretty good financial situation, so life was really great.

In July of 2001, I found out I was pregnant. I was completely overjoyed. I scheduled my doctor’s appointment and they did the early ultrasound, but couldn’t see the heartbeat, but I was still quite early, so I came back in a week. Still no heartbeat. So I came back in another week. Still no heartbeat and the measurements didn’t seem to look right either. I remember laying on that table and feeling so disappointed and heartbroken. When that scene occurred in the movie, I thought I had put all of that behind me…you reason that things happen in God’s timetable and you move on as best as you can. I think the truth is that you never completely heal from things like that. You just tuck them away and as time and life happens, they get better. I remember coming home and standing in the hallway and hugging Kevin and just crying…and crying and crying. So the scene when Jen hugs Marley and cries on the couch really triggered that moment back for me. I felt like I was transplanted back 8 years ago.

I was mad at the world, I was mad at God, and I was DEFINITELY not going to have anymore children because I could not risk that again. That was July 31, 2001.

Thanksgiving of that year, we would announce to our parents that we were having another baby.

July 25, 2002, Natalie Gray Griffith enters the world and our hearts.

January 2003, we would learn we were leaving Bluefield and moving to Covington.

March 25, 2003, Kevin started at the mill.

August 2003, we bought our house in Covington.

August 2004, Riley starts Kindergarten.

November 2004, I’m pregnant again. Just like in the movie, it was a shocker. The greatest surprise I’ve ever received though.

August 2007, Natalie starts Kindergarten--and I start classes at Dabney in pursuit of my Bachelor’s.

October 2008, I take the job as our church secretary.

August 2009, 3 kids in soccer, 2 in school and one in preschool…I decide to take a semester off from school to attempt to keep up with life.

October 2009...Life is a whirlwind. I am exhausted.

How many times have I had those mini-breakdowns on my bed just like in the movie where she is sooo tired that she can’t function? How many times have I cried in my pillow because somewhere in this life I feel like Amanda is lost somewhere under a pile of school permission forms, overdue bills, dirty laundry and forgotten dental appointments?

At some point though, I have to step back and forget plans, and regrets, and make sure I’m not missing out on the life that is happening right before my eyes. It won’t be there forever.

I have wondered if I would’ve been a better working mom than a stay-at-home mom. I’ve even wondered in my darkest hours if I was even supposed to be a mom. Then somebody will pick me a dead dandelion or give me an oreo-faced kiss and I know that this is where I’m supposed to be. Right here.

I’m probably never going to have a dime to my name. Maybe I’ll never have one single story I write ever published. But if I can raise these three children to be loving and gracious…to love God and others…then I will have accomplished something wonderful and more important than anything else on earth.