ex·pec·ta·tion
ekspekˈtāSHən
noun
1.
a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.
"reality had not lived up to
expectations"
synonyms: supposition, assumption, presumption, conjecture, surmise,
calculation, prediction, hope
"her expectations were
unrealistic"
anticipation, expectancy, eagerness,
excitement, suspense
"tense with expectation"
Expectations.
Last Friday was my anniversary.
Well technically it was “our” anniversary. Sixteen years. Husband wanted to take me to dinner but after
no sitter, three kids at three different locations for sports practices, when I left the last practice at 8 pm starving and exhausted, I decided
McDonald’s drive thru would really be the best bet at that particular
moment. He was disappointed and thought
I didn’t want to spend time with him.
Truthfully I didn’t. It wasn’t
personal though. I didn't want to spend time with ANYBODY. I didn't even want to be awake. I really just couldn’t fathom getting into
anything other than something fleece with an elastic waist at that point in
time. We decided we’d have a re-do when
things settled down. I suggested the
following weekend. I was looking forward
to it this time. I had the cutest little
black dress picked out for a dinner that I wouldn’t order through a drive through
window and one in which I wouldn't have to answer that horrifying question, "would you like fries with that?"
Then allergy and sinus
season crept in and at the eleventh hour, husband decides that there is no way
he can sit through a dinner without getting up sixteen times to hack up a lung
and/or blow his snout, so he backs out this time.
Sigh.
Expectations. He had them the
week before and I had them this week.
What good are they? Why do we do
that to ourselves? To our children? Are they just a set up for failure and
disappointment?
Just look up there ^ at the definition and the examples. It looks like whoever wrote the definition
had been burned as well. “reality had
not lived up to expectations”; “her expectations were unrealistic.” Maybe the author of this particular
dictionary was sitting at home in her jammies with a box of tissues and a
bottle of Zyrtec on her lap on a Saturday night as well.
As I began to think about how often I had set myself up for greatness
and how often I had failed to attain those things, I began thinking about the
expectations we set for ourselves and our children and whether this is a
healthy thing.
Are expectations worthwhile? Are
they healthy or unhealthy? My dad set
the highest expectations for me.
Always. I was to be an honor roll
student at all times. Anything else was
unacceptable. “C’s are average and you
are not average” was drilled into me from the time I can remember. Two times in my life I brought home a “C” on
my report card; once in the sixth grade and once in high school. The first time I went to the bathroom of the
elementary school and cried my eyes out.
I thought I was literally going to throw up in the tiny grade school
bathroom. I was going to disappoint my
dad when I brought that report card home and it was unfathomable to me. I hated that feeling. I hated that feeling SO much that I have set
those unrealistic expectations onto my own children—even saying those SAME words—“C’s are average and you are not average.” Am I setting my children up to spend some
time hovered over the porcelain god in between classes at school or am I
setting them up for success? I really
can’t answer that question. I hope those
expectations are healthy.
We all set expectations for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our
children. And I think we do this not
because we cannot accept failure from ourselves or our loved ones—we all are
human after all. No, I think we set
these expectations in an effort to let those we love know that they are
important and capable and loved.
I don't think hope should be listed as a synonym for expectation. It isn’t HOPE. It’s far MORE than
hope. I don’t HOPE that my children will
succeed. No, no, no. I am far too confident in their abilities and
their character than to HOPE that they will be learners and thinkers and doers and changers of the world. I EXPECT it. I expect it because I have watched them for
15, 11 and 8 years. To not expect it
would surely save us all disappointment down the road when they screw up. And they WILL screw up. All of them.
They will bring home a C. Or a D
or even an F. They will not make a team
that they want very desperately to make.
They will make a bad decision that will infuriate me and disappoint me
to my core. Chances are they will not get accepted into that college they want to go to so bad and they may not get that ONE job that they so desperately wanted.
My hope is that the expectations that I have set for them will always cause
them to work hard for what they want in life and when they don’t, I hope those
expectations will ultimately lead them back to the safe place where they
know they are loved and cherished—not because of their successes or failures—but
because of who they are.
Expectations have caused me a lot of grief over the years. They have caused me lots of tears and stress
and pressure on myself that I could’ve surely avoided.
Those expecations have also instilled those little voices inside of me that said “look
over that material one more time,” “follow your shot,” “do not give up,” and “you’ve
got this baby.”
Life fills you with voices that tell you that you CAN'T do it. Having someone in your life believing in you…hoping
for you…EXPECTING of you…that gives you a voice to tell those other voices to
shut the front door.
Expect greatness. From yourself
and from others :) Start today.
And maybe after football, basketball, cross country, allergy season, and underwater basket-weaving, I'll get that non-drive-thru anniversary dinner ;)
~lightningbug
