“Anger fuels creativity, guilt sparks improvement and self-doubt makes us aim higher with our actions.”

Today I had a dentist appointment.  Technically I had a dentist appointment Friday at 10:30—or so I had convinced myself.  Then I arrived Friday for my 10:30 dentist appointment to embarrassingly learn that my appointment was at 10 am.  Sigh.  The girls know how I struggle with getting there when I’m supposed to get there.  One time I was so excited to be there with one of the kids on the right day and the right time—except I was a month early.  A MONTH EARLY!  Oh well.  Fast forward to today.  I was at the dentist on time—early even!  I took a nice hot shower this morning, fixed my hair, did my makeup, put on a pretty blue sweater—I was feeling pretty good about myself today. 

I didn’t take my cellular device in the dentist office today.  I sat out in the waiting room and read the entire O magazine cover to cover and it was really nice.  I found a new book I want to read (Lila by Marilynne Robinson) and I found this awesome quote on anger, guilt and anxiety from a book called “The Upside of your Dark Side”:  “Anger fuels creativity, guilt sparks improvement and self-doubt makes us aim higher with our actions.”  Well that is good to know.  Little did I know this would come in handy for what was about to go down…

My sweet, beautiful dental hygienist called me back.  I love, love, love getting my teeth cleaned.  I love it.  I love getting in the car after my cleaning and looking at my fangs in the rearview mirror and running my tongue across my smooth, freshly polished chompers. 

I hung my purse and my coat on the hooks provided in the fang cleaning cubicle.  I chatted it up with my hygienist and I took a seat in the chair.  As I got comfy, I looked down at my little brown Mary Janes and I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I had dog shit on the inside heel of my right shoe.  Oh.Muh.Gawd. I began having heart palpitations.  I had two choices here.  I could say “Excuse me, it appears I have dog shit on my shoe, if you will excuse me, I will go remove that in just a jiffy!” OR I could sit very still with my legs and heels clinched tightly together and nobody would see it.  So that’s what I did.  I sat in that chair for 45 minutes with my heels held together.  And HELLO ladies!  Forget Zumba, forget CrossFit, forget Yoga!  You sit in a dentist chair with your lower extremities clenched for 45 minutes.  I promise that YOU WILL FEEL IT!  The entire time I was getting my teeth polished I was thinking, “Please for the love of Buddha, do not let somebody walk by and say, “I smell something.  Do y’all smell that?” because I will run straight out of this place in my dog shit laced Mary Janes and my bib on, not passing Go and not collecting $200.

I had been mentally planning the removal and disposal the entire time I sat in that chair.  I had two tissues in my hands that were given to me when I got in the chair.  When the hygienist was finished and left the cubicle to get the dentist, I was going to quickly wipe the dog shit off of my shoe and stick it in the pocket of my coat that was hanging on the hook.  No, I don’t want to have dog shit in my coat pocket, but I also don’t want to put it in the trash can to stink the place up today. 

And 3, 2, 1…she left!  I wipe it off, wad it up in those tissues and get ready to get up and BAM!  There she is.  I’m looking all around the room with my dog shit tissues in my hand and she said, “Whatcha need?”  I said, “Oh, I was just going to throw this away.”  So I turned around and basket-tossed it right in the trashcan right by her chair.  

Sorry Patty.  Please forgive me.

~lightningbug